Success in love is… Part 28

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27

Yes, a numerous parts hurt due to the fall but my heart ached more, masking all the other pains and spreading panic all over the system. Nothing else mattered in the world. Nothing else. The dilemma, the mortal’s pursuit to attain importance, everything seemed immaterial compared to her. I turned to see her, who by now had grabbed me in panic. I saw her getting worried over my fall.

“What happened? Are you all right?”

I didn’t answer. I was seeing a person cry for me and show all the world’s love. The list of uncertainties never had an end and never will, but this certainty is going to mask all that for eternity. She rubbed her red eyes making it redder, and starting searching for my wounds. I didn’t speak, I didn’t move, I just let her to decide what I should do. She pulled me up and held me by my shoulder, walked me to the bench next to the gate. She ran to the watchman’s cabin, got the first aid box and came back to nurse the wounded chin which by now had dried after staining her white dress.

She had by now cleared all the dirt from the wound and started applying the antiseptic. I reacted with a sign of pain and she reacted with a sign of concern. She looked at me to convince it’s not going pain and I nodded in genuine belief. However old we are, we have a child inside us yearning for love and however young we are we have a mother inside us yearning to care.

She sat down to clean the right toe. I felt something weird that pushed me to bend down and stop her.
“I will do it”
“Why?”
“It’s ok. I will do it.”
“Don’t be a chauvinist. Sit back and let me finish this.”
“Chauvinist?” I thought. She soon gave a stare, forcing me to sit back and turn away.
“What’s the bloody difference between nursing your chin and your foot?” She was speaking in a low voice that had enough decibels for me hear. I didn’t dare to ask her anymore. May be She was exaggerating my act as Chauvinism or teaching me how to curb the subtle Chauvinisms left with me. Well, I have a lifetime to learn and a lovely relationship to learn from.  

She stood up after finishing the first aid and I remembered why all these have happened.
“What was that sound?”
“What sound?”
“That truck, it…”
“Ya, the truck. The driver saw me near the gate, applied the brakes, craned his neck out of truck with a frightened stare and resumed his drive in a hurry, giving raise to all the dust.” She said while wiping her eyes with her handkerchief that showed my names first Syllable.

I smiled re-creating the scene, held her hand with a wide smile and pulled her to sit next to me.
Kept my arm over her shoulder and said, “Angels and demons have a lot in common and differ only on their purpose.”
“Why are you saying this?”
I smiled and she gave a minor blow saying “Yes, I am a devil and am going to haunt you all your life.”
I hugged her saying, “Lucky me. I love my devil. The poor driver should have had a minor heart attack seeing you in your white dress and the flowing hair.”

She pulled my face and our heads collided, stayed together for our lips to follow suit. Well almost.

“Guys! What the hell are you doing here?”

Someone was calling us and we turned losing our collisions. The watchman looked at us and we gave a lame smile. I thought “How the hell do you guys to do this? Bugger! a huge truck’s voracious brakes, a fumble and fall on your footsteps, a hurried search in your closet nothing woke you up except for this tender moment. Fuck off you brute.” Oh ya, I can only think all this. I am a good fellow, ain’t I?.

“Are you alright?” he asked with a concern.

When I was wondering how he was making his concern as genuine as it could be, she said “He is fine. Don’t worry” and turned back to kiss me.

Yes, she kissed me making me kiss her as well. I stumbled for a minute and closed my eyes that had the watchman watching us. Moved my hands in air to hold her face, lost the watchman’s image, and the grip of existence. Finally when my hands reached her face and started to enjoy the bliss of being human, she turned away from me. I was holding my hand in air and watching her turn away lost in thoughts for how worthless was the turmoil I had in my heart today.

She turned to see me with a tear rolling down the left cheek and we moved closer to wipe away the tear on each other’s cheek.
I held her face, “I am very lucky.”
“I know.”
“That’s unfair. Wont you say the same?”
“Do I have to?”
“Not if you don’t feel so.”
“Or if I am sure you know that already.”
“Sometimes we have to say things that aren’t necessarily new”
“Oh! I am not very lucky. You don’t know to reciprocate well”
“What?” I looked at her in disbelief.
“And not smart enough as well.” Spreading her smile to me.

As I moved near her, she moved away from me and there was a roar of applause from the Balcony that shared our moments some time back. The Balcony looked like the Indian rooftops next to cricket stadiums in a World Cup Final. Our family stood there smiling and passing comments as we walked with our heads down to face them.

Very soon we stood on the dais and the same crowd was standing down and passing comments. Yes! A month is a very small time period when you have a Mother to run behind and feed you in the morning, a love to kiss you when your Mom has gone to get ghee for your Sambar, a father who smiles without taking his eye off the newspaper, an uncle who shows his thumbs up for his daughter’s triumph, an aunt who hits your uncle with the rolled magazine commanding him to stop the gesture, a sister who has grabbed your ear and a grandma who sends your Mom back to kitchen and signals your love to continue loving me.

I stood there, looking at the people gathered. The hall was filled with people from every part of India and Beyond. People who would have otherwise lived as separate families, castes, religions, languages. A marriage is not just an union of two hearts, it’s a union of two families. And ours, an union of two different sets of people separated by centuries of discrimination based on imaginary lines.

My love pinched my hand saying, “Why are you smiling?”
“I am very proud today.”
“Our marriage is tomorrow. This is just the reception. So save some pride for tomorrow.”
“It’s not about the marriage or the reception.”
“So what’s it about?” She turned to see with wide eyes.
“Look at those kids.”
“Ya! my Cousin’s girl and your Nephew. Lovely kids. But what’s with them?”
“Look at their parents conversing with each other not worried about their kids.”
“Why should they be worried?”

Just then the girl fell down from a chair and my lab-mate rushed to kid and rubbed her knee, while the boy was wiping her eyes and handling over the toy he had ran with.
My love came close and whispered “Wipe your eyes man. What happened to you?”

“Success in our love is not the reception we are having today or the marriage we will have tomorrow. It is what we are seeing now. Thanks for everything dear. Those kids will grow into a single family and defy the rules that the Castes have put on them for centuries. Their love will be unbreakable once we have our casteless kids who will become their cousins. Life will be good without barriers for them. They won’t have a tough battle like you had when they grow and pursue their life and dreams. All thanks to you.”

“Not just castes. They will not have the barriers of religion or language. We will not let them have them.”
“They have already broken those.” I said and pointed her to the kids who now were talking with lab-mate’s daughter in the hands of the Krishnagiri couple’s Kashmiri daughter in law.

“We just have to encourage them and let them have the same heart without corrupting them with our stupid beliefs of superiority over caste, religion, language, country or lifestyle. They don’t see the differences while befriending each other and once they become friends the differences won’t have significance.”

She nodded as I spoke and moved a step away to ask, “By the way. Were you speaking about our kids already?”
“Who? Me? When?”
She gave stare and I smiled, “We are not yet married dear.” I said, “We shall start from tomorrow.”
“Start what?” her stare was starting to break
“The fight.” I said in the usual matter-of-factly way I own, “Oh! Wait a minute, what are you thinking?” I smiled with all the front teeth visible.
“Oh no! What am I going to do with a Stupid like you?” She turned away with her hand on her forehand. ‘Man, You can love her all your life just for these acts.’ My conscious kicked my  brain.
“Just watch” I said and kissed her, a long kiss which got back as much love as it gave, filled with claps and whistles all over the place and a blast resulting in flying color papers.

The celebration called Life had just started for me, my love and all those who love us.

Success in love is… Part 19

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18

She hugged me tighter and panic spread everywhere. I looked at her parents who stood helpless. I felt she would feel better if she lies down and lifted her and made her lie down on altar at one end of the hall. The Intern fetched a small pillow from somewhere and placed her head on it. My mom had taken seat next to her and started waving the free end of her saree in attempts to make her get more air. I stood near the altar and had my left hand wiping the sweat on her forehead and my right hand in her grasp.

“For heaven sake somebody tell me what’s happening here?” I asked no one in particular. She tried to lift her head but couldn’t do it. Her eyelids were half closed and were shaking from her failed attempts to open them in vain. Her grip became tighter and I placed my forehead on our joined hands to hide my tears.
“Please say something. What is wrong with her?” my Dad was speaking to her Dad who stood speechless.

Being born in a country obsessed with too many isms like casteism, regionalism, religionalism, etc,.. and grown aware of all these taking their worst forms every now and then, I couldn’t abstain from the thought of Honor killings. Every year we see at least a dozen reported cases of girls being killed for defying their parents will and loving someone of their wish. When are we going to think in terms of freedom, unity, liberty and fraternity inside our home?

There were too many thoughts but nothing made sense. I raised my head to see the girl who had become my life, gasping for breath and an instant rage of anger spread through me. But who can I show my anger to? Will it make her raise back and become my life once again? How can anyone hurt you? I said or thought but these words echoed within me.

My aunt came near and spread her right hand on my back and touched her forehead with her left. She was breathing normally now but had closed her eyes completely. I turned to see my aunt and the vision grew duller and duller with tears filling in and blocking my sight. I didn’t want to wipe then for I couldn’t dare to remove my either hands from her.

But that didn’t last long. We heard a big sound and turned to see someone rushing in. He came in hurried along with someone who had a stethoscope in his hand. He came near us and I realized that he was wearing silk shirt and dhoti, exactly the way a south Indian bridegroom would dress in his marriage. I took a step back and the doctor held the hand, I was holding till sometime back and the groom was wiping away the sweat from her forehead much like how I did.

I wiped the stagnated tears and the one flowing on my cheeks and looked at the duo in shock.

“She is very weak. It would be better if we take her to the hospital”. The Doctor said nodding his head.

“But what is wrong?” the groom asked.

“Let’s talk in the hospital. We can take her in the car we came in.”

The groom lifted her, turned to her parents, said "Don't worry. She will be alright." and walked briskly towards the door. We stood there in shock. I was watching helplessly as he walked with her in his hands. My cousin step out of the gang and asked him the most important question at that moment. “Which Hospital?” and the groom said something to him and rushed out.

I turned to see the couple who could relieve something if not everything about all that is happening here. I walked to her Dad and held his hand.
“I don’t believe in a supreme God who has all mights. For me, everyone living here has every might inside himself to become the almighty. But we restrict ourselves with numerous limitations and constraints and never achieve divinity while alive. Your girl is not an angel but she had the spark in her to change my life which was just happening from me to a celebration. All these days from when you took her away I have lived with a dream to have her back. In fact I have lived with her every single moment from that day. You would never imagine what we speak each day then. She used to tell about the instances from her past when you had been her hero, loving her, protecting her, living for her. Those days I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like you and for how many dads here show their love in a form that their kids understand. Often we kids realize the Dad’s love only when we had grown too much and could not reciprocate it”.

He kept his hand on my shoulder. “Please tell me what happened to her. Is she going to come back as the girl you and I loved? Just say she is fine. I won’t ask anything more. Seriously I will walk back to my life and never bother you again”. I look away and continued, “For me her happiness is more important than mine if there is a difference in that”.

“Now I understand why my girl loved you. How can you be this nice to someone who has taken away your life?” he spoke and turned back to see his wife who came near him.
“She is everything for me. I have always imagined of a fabulous wedding for her. The hall filled with every person I knew, her smiles, her tears, the final hugs she will give me, I have rehearsed these things in heart from the day she was born. She has been a girl who would come back from school or college and recites all that happened there to me. She had never kept any secrets. But you changed everything. You made me realize that she has her own life, a life where my wishes are not mandatory rules. I couldn’t accept her change for you. Your caste also added to the fury. I thought finally everything is happening as my dreams when she came to the marriage altar in her bridal saree. But I didn’t expect her to do what she did”.

Her mother came near and continued from where he stopped. “She didn’t speak anything when she got ready but had a very firm face, as if she is up to something. She sat next to the groom and started the procedures. But after a few minutes she turned to him and said something that made the priest to stop his chants and we all listened what they spoke.

“Do you know that I love someone else?”

“Yes. Uncle said about the guy. I know you from childhood and these infatuations don’t matter”.

“But I will continue loving him all my life”.

“What do you mean?”

“I am sitting here just because my love is beyond constraints. When you tie the knots, it will just mean I will live in different place amidst different people. Your touch, your kiss, won't be reciprocated in the way you would expect because a hand shake and a kiss doesn't hold any difference if there is no love in that. I have been living with him all these days in my dreams and now, I will just live in the same fashion for the rest of my life. I know I won't be seeing him but we don’t see things from our eyes alone, our heart sees things too and within my heart I see him every second. I don’t know if Daddy told all this to you. I want you to know before this marriage because I don’t want to deceive you”.

“This is not any prank right”.

“Of course not. If you think this is one, you will have to live with this prank all life. Think about it. We have no choices but to live in our dreams as long as our parents understand but you have a choice”.

“I will talk to your Dad. Why did he want to end this love? Very few here, have the opportunity to live with whom they loved. I don’t want to take that opportunity away from you. I too had lived with your photo for a week and I could imagine what is going through your heart”.

He stood up and came to me.” Her dad continued, “The whole family was scolding him to do that. Anger flow through me. I shouted, “Never even imagine that you can live with him. What if this guy isn’t marrying you?  I will find someone much better than him”.

“I know Dad. But whatever I said is true. I am living with him now and will live like this forever.” She said and walked to her room, which she shut as soon as she got in. Even then she had a troubled walk but I didn’t notice it.
We were busy in making everyone understand as they went out cursing me for bringing down the caste pride. I stood there with my head hung down in and hands folded in self pity. I had lost everything I had, Family pride, and my girl’s final belief. We rarely have times when we experience defeat in all things that happen.

I wanted to apologize to her for breaking my promise. I knew she won’t forgive but I had to gain back some pride I had in myself for I couldn’t forgive myself. She had changed her dress and was lying on the bed facing the wall. I sat next to her, “Sorry dear. I was forced to accept this marriage but consider this as well; he hadn’t come for this marriage. Please understand at least now that he has moved on. I will wait for the day when you realize this and ask me to go ahead with marriage proceedings. I won’t disturb you till that”.

She turned and smiled at me and turned to see her watch. “You have changed the timing Dad. He will certainly come at the scheduled hour and even if he doesn’t come I don’t think I can forget him. If you marry me to someone else, I will have to live a lie. I don’t want that.” She said this in broken words and the hand she raised to touch my face, fell back to her bed.

She was speaking something but I couldn’t hear it. Her eyes were motionless. I asked my wife to call the groom as he had gone to see his friend who works in a hospital nearby. I was sure that she won’t have taken any stupid decision but had a small doubt and searched the room to see if there are any signs of poisons. I didn’t find any. She spoke again in breaking voice, “Don’t worry. I haven’t taken anything. I want to live with him for I am not sure if I can dream after death.”
I broke into tears hearing that and came out. That’s when I saw you coming in and was astonished.” He wiped his tears away.

My cousins came near and asked us to hurry to the hospital.

Success in love is… Part 14

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13

We reached the Parking lot and she asked me to get into a Honda Civic parked there.

“Whose car is this?”

“Mine”

“What? You have a car!!”

“It’s here since last weekend. My father uses this car when he comes to Bangalore on his business trips. He left this here due to some renovation work in the guesthouse.” she said in a matter-of-fact tone and kicked the front tyre.

“Oh!” I said and got in.

I didn’t speak anything for another 30 minutes as she was cruising through the huge traffic with sudden sprints and sharp stops. But rather than going straight to reach Kempegowda Road from Palace road, she turned at SJR College and reached KR circle.

“Hey! Where are you heading to? The Inter-state bus stand is not in this route.”

“I am not leaving you at the bus stand. I am taking you home.”

“What?”

“Yes. I have informed Prof. I can’t let you leave in this state of mind. I also want to know why any family would reject you for their girl.”

“Hey! I will tell all that when I come back.”

“Nope. I can’t wait. I couldn’t get sleep last night after seeing you in such state. Please don’t argue and don’t worry, I am very good in driving.”

I tried to explain and make her go back but she wasn’t listening. I told Mom about the situation in hopes that she will assure her that I am fine and make her go back to campus but she was too stubborn and convinced Mom instead. The car was rarely reaching 80s and 90s and most times it was showing 3 digits in the digital speedometer. I didn’t speak anything for another 30 minutes and we reached the Karnataka state border.

She switched on the radio to hear Westlife and I watched the trees running back fast but slower than my mind to the college, coffee shops and theatres. We weren’t the couple who have never faced a misunderstanding or a fight. But we were two people who would stay close just to have the misunderstandings and fights. She is the only reason for me to have a colorful life, a life filled with happiness in college. My life was full of labs, experiments which usually leave me exhausted when I reach room. But the same experiments and labs left me energetic to talk about after she came into life. The first day we walked 5 miles not knowing if there is a road ahead or dead end was still fresh in thoughts. The first rain in which I spread my hands and enjoyed still makes me shiver. Small things like a classmate bringing lunch for me or giving a soft blow brought huge arguments every night and we used talk in the top of our voices never losing our stand. Those nights bring the most awesome mornings when I will stand on the second floor of my department and wait for her to come. She will walk to her department not lifting her head up but will turn back to see me when she turns to reach the door. That micro second meeting of eyes brings out a smile and will be followed by a longer meeting of eyes and she will convey few life threats which will be enough for my smiles the whole day.

The car stopped with a big sound. I jerked and looked at the intern who looked at me with stern face.

“What? What happened?”

“What kind of person are you?”

“Why? What did I do?”

“You were smiling for the past 10mins and having tears at the same time.”

“Oh! What is wrong in that?” I asked wiping my cheeks.

“You are going to your lover’s marriage dammit.”

“See its love. Off all the many things she has given to me, memories are the most important and no one can take that away from me. I am this person because of her. She has made me smile alone for all these days, even during the separation and even now. Love is something of the heart and it has its own world. People can’t separate us in that world.”

“Why would anyone say No to you?” she said holding my chin to lift my head which I had put down when speaking. We remained so for a second and she was scanning through my eyes.

“Caste” I said.

“What? Caste? Don’t tell me it’s only because of it. Hasn’t the caste system become a thing of past nowadays?”

I smiled at her ignorance. She showed anger seeing me smile.

“Caste is not like poverty which you can destroy by development. It something which is determined at birth and followed with pride/regret”

“Oh Come on I haven’t seen any such things.”

“How many places have you visited? How many different people have you talked to? Have you read any regional papers?”

“See my Hindi reading isn’t that good I accept but I do read English papers and the caste based violence occurs once or twice a year much like polio cases.”

I smiled. “That’s how the national papers show them. Caste violence occurs every day. Caste discrimination occurs every second. Murders and rapes occur every month because of caste. Very few are reported. And the separation of lovers and their struggles are never reported. When a model is shot for liquor by a drunkard its national news and when a family is burnt because of caste in a village its local news. I am not telling that the model’s death is small but isn’t every life important. Media brings only the misdeeds of/to the rich/influential to limelight. So coming from Delhi, you are bound to know only national news.”

“Hmmm. But aren’t you guys equally qualified. I can also see that you belong to upper middle class at least. Then…”

“Caste is nothing about money. How much ever you earn you can’t change the system that still calls some people as lesser humans and protest when you attempt to go into a temple. How many temples allow the devotees inside the inner sanctum near the idol? How many temples have priests from lower castes? But thanks to some efforts by the government, nowadays few temples don’t have these rules. But this has to go a long way. If you drive a few more kilometers I can make you meet two people who have lived all life fighting against caste discrimination and won the battle.”

She started the car with a confused mind. I pitied the people who have grown inside apartments and blocks where only visible discrimination was based on the eating habits, where the people who don’t eat non-vegetarian foods are considered as subjects for mockery and sometimes ridiculed for their voluminous prayers and other religious activities. This discrimination, though very small considered to the violence meant out outside the apartments also should have to be stopped. After all any discrimination subtle or violent, is against humanity.

We met the old couple and their daughter in law who explained their life to the intern on my request. She was all tears when she heard their struggles and reached to their shoulders. She was kissing their daughter in law and hugging her when she said about her love story. We left by 1AM and she slept soon after we started. I plugged in my pendrive and made Illaiyaraja spell out his magical tunes, opened the window and made the breeze flow in. She had lifted her legs and slept like a fetus inside the womb, with the captivating smile that always spreads itself around.

We reached home at 6AM and I introduced her to Mom, who in turn introduced her to everyone. My aunt came and hugged me, wetting my shoulder with tears. I said “I am fine Chithi.”

“I know you are not” she said

I came out of the hug and smiled. I went to my bedroom after breakfast and was asked to sleep, which I did. I woke up at 4PM and saw dad has come and the intern has transformed into a family member serving tea to everyone and was wearing my cousin’s saree. I smiled at them.


She was getting glued into our family and getting involved with numerous discussions happening. She joined the cousins in playing cards, became the chief taster for the Kitchen, suggested the jewels and sarees for my Mom and aunts, went on a walk with my Grandma, made my entire family laugh and the house was slowly getting to become normal.

The Swaraj mazda executive bus which came home by 9PM and we started loading the things. I saw my aunt adjusting the necklace of the intern when I went in to fetch a bag. They had grown very close to the point that they didn’t even notice me walking in and out.

I came out to welcome the cousin who got married a few months back and she hugged me crying in my shoulders and her husband was having wet eyes as well.

“Back in college, I never liked her. She wasn’t like how a girl should be according our society. She was very playfully and we had numerous silly fights when we were together. Though I showed anger whenever we see each other, I admired the small pranks she does, silently. But I couldn’t accept that my cousin is talking only to her and not to me. I know I was silly, we were never close but still you were my cousin and I felt I reserve the right to be close to you since we were far away from our family. I don’t know if my grudge has separated you. I am very sorry dear.”

“It’s not your fault. In college we were of two different streams BE and BSc with different timings and you never had a mobile phone. Apart from that I always considered you as my best friend. I still remember the day when you came running from the placement cell and hugged me shouting you got placed. Very few people in college knew we are relatives and everyone was staring at us. But you never cared, neither did I. We are just two people who are close in heart and far in real-time.”

“I wish she had not taken this decision, I was hoping she will come to our house and we can have our silly fights all life and I can make her jealous often.”

“There were numerous times when she had become jealous. She becomes furious whenever I refer you as the most important person in college.”

She smiled and reached her husband’s shoulders saying, “You don’t deserve this.” I smiled and waved them bye. They stayed back as she said she won’t be able to see the marriage without crying. My brother and few cousins came in the intern’s Civic. We left to the marriage and I took the first seat in the bus so that no one notices my face after seeing the video player stream the first romantic comedy we saw together. There are many memories to remember for remembrance is the only thing left for me.