Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9
We finished dinner and came out. He kept his arm on my shoulder and said, “I know she is a good girl. I know she loves you. But marriage is not just an union of two people but its the union of two families and in your case union of two families that are not equals in the caste system. Unless you marry a girl whose family respects you for who you are, I mean respect your caste as well, you can’t be happy all life. Initially everything will seem to go smooth but soon minor misunderstanding will lead to bitter fights. Some things that look minor for you will be vital for her.”
I looked at him confused, “Dad, I believe she is so perfect for me. I can’t even imagine anyone can be as good as her for me. Please listen to what happened in College and the way our love grew. We are not like those people who fall in love in first sight without knowing anything about each other. Neither do we plan to change ourselves for love. In fact she is the only person I have known with whom I can remain the same person I am. Only person outside family to love me for who I am and not for my past achievements, current position or future prospects.”
I was talking with my head down, managing to hide my tears. Dads always hold the kind of respect with sons that even small disapproval from them bring out many emotions in us.
He took me to the government guesthouse where he was staying and we sat on a bench under a big banyan tree which doesn’t know the caste of the person who planted it or that of the people sitting under it.
“Ok. Now go ahead. Tell me all you want.”
He looked up resting his head on the tree and keeping his spectacles in his shirt pocket. I felt like he is looking up in order to avoid seeing me cry.
I told him everything from the Boomerang ice cream parlor to the letter she wrote. I had wiped away the tears that rolled down a couple of times and never lifted my head up. But when I turned after finishing my narration, he was watching me unaware of the tear from his left eye. I hugged him keeping my head in his shoulder and we stayed as such for some time.
He kept his hand in my head and started speaking in my ears, “First when I saw her, She was drawing happiness from the tiniest things which we ignore always. When we were standing in queue in the temple she was smiling in triumph for a small boy, who initially was jumping in vain to reach the temple bell hung high but managed to make it ring by hitting it with a coconut piece later. She followed the squirrels as they ran away with small nuts in steps, chased away the monkey that came for the banana, finally giving it to him, did pranks to calm the crying new born of some unknown young mother . She seemed very happy but I also couldn’t miss the eyes which were actually showing that there is some sorrow hidden inside. I thought she is just the happy-go-lucky kind of girl who is upset over some minor thing like a relative who didn’t turn up for the function. I didn’t know she had problems of this magnitude. I know about you and your reaction to her dad was predictable, but couldn’t even imagine her to be so determined in loving you facing all odds.”
I smiled for the first time in 15 hours. I looked at my Dad with confidence. But he wasn’t reciprocating my confidence, instead he continued, “All these years in District administration I have travelled lot and known about various sects of people. This is the era when many people who were downtrodden for generations have started to grow up. But the change is not welcomed by the sects who enjoyed privileges in the past system. Still everyone here identifies their caste as either high or low. Everyone here treats the people from their caste as their people and others as different. If caste is just a grouping based on occupation, it should have become irrelevant when the British came here. But it’s deep rooted from the human nature of dominance. Everyone here want to be dominant over the person next to him. Everyone wants to run the race to nowhere. They don’t get the fact that everyone can be first if they walk together.”
“But dad don’t you see that everything is changing here. Nowadays we don’t know our caste unless we see the community certificate during our college admissions. We become friends and treat each other equally in college and even in workplace. I don’t know about villages and I have heard a lot of violence but in cities people are changing” I said my stand.
He smiled and continued, “Cities or villages, how many of you in cities feel the slum dwellers, migrant construction workers, gypsies, transgenders as equals? How many of you have understood that the Quota system in college admissions are the only way to bring the downtrodden to colleges? How many of you know that most people of those castes are first generation graduates or at the max second generation and all they achieve from an higher education is a dream that they are no less than anyone else and in turn become an inspiration for the rest of their family. How many of your students who joined demonstrations against reservations are ready to do the same for eradication of the discrimination based on Caste and religion?
By the way, discrimination is not just the murders that happen but also the silent aversions that people show towards people of other castes either higher or lower. In villages these aversions are obvious because they don’t have to hide it. In cities we have so many factors to think about so the reactions are refined. I am not referring to the castes that are in the zenith of the system alone. Every caste here treats the one below it in manu's mythical manuscript as lesser-humans despite the fact that they themselves receive the same treatment from the ones above them. ”
I have never heard him speak about any of these before. I looked at him and he turned to see me, “Yes, these differences are mostly not seen in colleges. You treat everyone equally. Exactly the dream Ambedhkar should have seen when he crafted the constitution. The only way to bring all castes to the same level and remain as humans alone is education. That is why the reservations were established. But you should also be aware of the fights in the law colleges based on castes. This just proves that still people are not ready to accept equality even in your student community.”
The watchman came near us as it had become midnight. “Sir, are you staying here.”
“Yes. I am staying here and this is my son who has come to see me and will stay here tonight.”
My Dad didn’t have to tell all this to him, he could have said a plain ‘Yes’, and he would not have dared to ask the second question.
“Ok sir. I am going to close the entrance door. So I wanted to be sure if anyone has to go out.” He spoke as he started to walk towards the gate.
“Sir! Is there any tea shop nearby?” my dad stood and reached his shoulder.
He turned amazed, the reaction he shared with me. He looked at my Dad in disbelief and said, “There is one some 4 km away but you can get tea in the canteen if the staff is awake” he showed the direction to the canteen which was well-lit.
“Thanks” my Dad patted his shoulder, smiled and walked to the canteen.
The watchman smiled which he held till he walked to the gate. I stood there not knowing what to do for a minute and walked to the canteen.
The cook was already having a can full of tea and gave 3 teas of which my dad gave me one and asked me to give it to the watchman. I left with the tea and gave to him who was startled.
We sat with him and my dad asked about his whereabouts and family. He said he was from a hill nearby and has 3 children. He also said he works as watchman in the college nearby during daytime and earns a total of 6000 per month. 6000 per month for 5 people was unimaginable for me and the fact that he making his eldest daughter study commerce in a nearby college was totally not possible for me if I were in his position. My dad asked him if the scholarships based on community are received on time for which he replied that they are the only thing that is making him have dreams for the other two kids. But even that was meager because of the growing price of education in this country.
We left after tea and my Dad had made his point very clear. I laid on the bed and my Dad rested on an old news paper which he spread on the floor not wanting to disturb the housekeeping staff at this hour. Before I covered my head with bed sheets, I said “Dad! I am not sure about her family but I know she is not the kind of person who respects a person based on his caste. I know our caste difference will certainly be insignificant all life. I also know that she will make everyone in her family to accept this relationship. I just want you to keep faith in us.” He didn’t reply and when I rolled to see him, he was asleep.
The next morning I left early to catch up with the research and reached my room by 8AM. My Dad had stopped when I was leaving and said “I have faith in both of you. But this marriage should happen with her family’s approval.” for which I smiled and said, “It sure will.”
I switched on PC to check for mails from my Prof while I saw a wedding card in my bed. It was from one my distant relative who studied in our college and was her roommate in hostel during first year. I know that she might come for the marriage and the whole of my family will be there. But after all that I learnt last night, I didn’t have any eagerness to attend an arranged marriage which is following all old customs. But I didn’t know that the call I received that evening will change everything.
We finished dinner and came out. He kept his arm on my shoulder and said, “I know she is a good girl. I know she loves you. But marriage is not just an union of two people but its the union of two families and in your case union of two families that are not equals in the caste system. Unless you marry a girl whose family respects you for who you are, I mean respect your caste as well, you can’t be happy all life. Initially everything will seem to go smooth but soon minor misunderstanding will lead to bitter fights. Some things that look minor for you will be vital for her.”
I looked at him confused, “Dad, I believe she is so perfect for me. I can’t even imagine anyone can be as good as her for me. Please listen to what happened in College and the way our love grew. We are not like those people who fall in love in first sight without knowing anything about each other. Neither do we plan to change ourselves for love. In fact she is the only person I have known with whom I can remain the same person I am. Only person outside family to love me for who I am and not for my past achievements, current position or future prospects.”
I was talking with my head down, managing to hide my tears. Dads always hold the kind of respect with sons that even small disapproval from them bring out many emotions in us.
He took me to the government guesthouse where he was staying and we sat on a bench under a big banyan tree which doesn’t know the caste of the person who planted it or that of the people sitting under it.
“Ok. Now go ahead. Tell me all you want.”
He looked up resting his head on the tree and keeping his spectacles in his shirt pocket. I felt like he is looking up in order to avoid seeing me cry.
I told him everything from the Boomerang ice cream parlor to the letter she wrote. I had wiped away the tears that rolled down a couple of times and never lifted my head up. But when I turned after finishing my narration, he was watching me unaware of the tear from his left eye. I hugged him keeping my head in his shoulder and we stayed as such for some time.
He kept his hand in my head and started speaking in my ears, “First when I saw her, She was drawing happiness from the tiniest things which we ignore always. When we were standing in queue in the temple she was smiling in triumph for a small boy, who initially was jumping in vain to reach the temple bell hung high but managed to make it ring by hitting it with a coconut piece later. She followed the squirrels as they ran away with small nuts in steps, chased away the monkey that came for the banana, finally giving it to him, did pranks to calm the crying new born of some unknown young mother . She seemed very happy but I also couldn’t miss the eyes which were actually showing that there is some sorrow hidden inside. I thought she is just the happy-go-lucky kind of girl who is upset over some minor thing like a relative who didn’t turn up for the function. I didn’t know she had problems of this magnitude. I know about you and your reaction to her dad was predictable, but couldn’t even imagine her to be so determined in loving you facing all odds.”
I smiled for the first time in 15 hours. I looked at my Dad with confidence. But he wasn’t reciprocating my confidence, instead he continued, “All these years in District administration I have travelled lot and known about various sects of people. This is the era when many people who were downtrodden for generations have started to grow up. But the change is not welcomed by the sects who enjoyed privileges in the past system. Still everyone here identifies their caste as either high or low. Everyone here treats the people from their caste as their people and others as different. If caste is just a grouping based on occupation, it should have become irrelevant when the British came here. But it’s deep rooted from the human nature of dominance. Everyone here want to be dominant over the person next to him. Everyone wants to run the race to nowhere. They don’t get the fact that everyone can be first if they walk together.”
“But dad don’t you see that everything is changing here. Nowadays we don’t know our caste unless we see the community certificate during our college admissions. We become friends and treat each other equally in college and even in workplace. I don’t know about villages and I have heard a lot of violence but in cities people are changing” I said my stand.
He smiled and continued, “Cities or villages, how many of you in cities feel the slum dwellers, migrant construction workers, gypsies, transgenders as equals? How many of you have understood that the Quota system in college admissions are the only way to bring the downtrodden to colleges? How many of you know that most people of those castes are first generation graduates or at the max second generation and all they achieve from an higher education is a dream that they are no less than anyone else and in turn become an inspiration for the rest of their family. How many of your students who joined demonstrations against reservations are ready to do the same for eradication of the discrimination based on Caste and religion?
By the way, discrimination is not just the murders that happen but also the silent aversions that people show towards people of other castes either higher or lower. In villages these aversions are obvious because they don’t have to hide it. In cities we have so many factors to think about so the reactions are refined. I am not referring to the castes that are in the zenith of the system alone. Every caste here treats the one below it in manu's mythical manuscript as lesser-humans despite the fact that they themselves receive the same treatment from the ones above them. ”
I have never heard him speak about any of these before. I looked at him and he turned to see me, “Yes, these differences are mostly not seen in colleges. You treat everyone equally. Exactly the dream Ambedhkar should have seen when he crafted the constitution. The only way to bring all castes to the same level and remain as humans alone is education. That is why the reservations were established. But you should also be aware of the fights in the law colleges based on castes. This just proves that still people are not ready to accept equality even in your student community.”
The watchman came near us as it had become midnight. “Sir, are you staying here.”
“Yes. I am staying here and this is my son who has come to see me and will stay here tonight.”
My Dad didn’t have to tell all this to him, he could have said a plain ‘Yes’, and he would not have dared to ask the second question.
“Ok sir. I am going to close the entrance door. So I wanted to be sure if anyone has to go out.” He spoke as he started to walk towards the gate.
“Sir! Is there any tea shop nearby?” my dad stood and reached his shoulder.
He turned amazed, the reaction he shared with me. He looked at my Dad in disbelief and said, “There is one some 4 km away but you can get tea in the canteen if the staff is awake” he showed the direction to the canteen which was well-lit.
“Thanks” my Dad patted his shoulder, smiled and walked to the canteen.
The watchman smiled which he held till he walked to the gate. I stood there not knowing what to do for a minute and walked to the canteen.
The cook was already having a can full of tea and gave 3 teas of which my dad gave me one and asked me to give it to the watchman. I left with the tea and gave to him who was startled.
We sat with him and my dad asked about his whereabouts and family. He said he was from a hill nearby and has 3 children. He also said he works as watchman in the college nearby during daytime and earns a total of 6000 per month. 6000 per month for 5 people was unimaginable for me and the fact that he making his eldest daughter study commerce in a nearby college was totally not possible for me if I were in his position. My dad asked him if the scholarships based on community are received on time for which he replied that they are the only thing that is making him have dreams for the other two kids. But even that was meager because of the growing price of education in this country.
We left after tea and my Dad had made his point very clear. I laid on the bed and my Dad rested on an old news paper which he spread on the floor not wanting to disturb the housekeeping staff at this hour. Before I covered my head with bed sheets, I said “Dad! I am not sure about her family but I know she is not the kind of person who respects a person based on his caste. I know our caste difference will certainly be insignificant all life. I also know that she will make everyone in her family to accept this relationship. I just want you to keep faith in us.” He didn’t reply and when I rolled to see him, he was asleep.
The next morning I left early to catch up with the research and reached my room by 8AM. My Dad had stopped when I was leaving and said “I have faith in both of you. But this marriage should happen with her family’s approval.” for which I smiled and said, “It sure will.”
I switched on PC to check for mails from my Prof while I saw a wedding card in my bed. It was from one my distant relative who studied in our college and was her roommate in hostel during first year. I know that she might come for the marriage and the whole of my family will be there. But after all that I learnt last night, I didn’t have any eagerness to attend an arranged marriage which is following all old customs. But I didn’t know that the call I received that evening will change everything.
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