Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26
“Amma!” I exclaimed in shock keeping my hand on the cheek which showed no sense of pain. Well, how can a mother’s slap be painful?
“No one drinks like this with just a month left for marriage” she said with a stern look.
Before I could explain anything that would pacify the fuming eyes, which have always made me apologize for all my childhood mistakes almost instantly, my love came running near me and held my hand.
“He doesn’t drink anymore, Auntie.” She said as I looked at her in awe.
I turned to see my Mom like a hurt puppy and expected her eyes to dramatically change to love like the good old childhood days. She turned to look at me with the same stern look. I looked down, already doctoring my apology.
“Sorry dear. But look at him, how pathetic he looks.” Mom said to my love and she moved near her to hug her.
Now, I didn’t understand why she is apologizing to my love when I am the one who got hurt. I looked at her in disbelief as mom was arranging the lose strands of hairs near her new daughter’s ears which actually look good when left unarranged.
My dad came near with a smile, kept his hand around my shoulder and whispered, “What happened?”
Now, this didn’t seem to be a good position as he was looking at ladies with a smile. I turned to see if he really is interested in my reply or just making his presence felt and saving me from my Mom. His gaze was still fixed on the ladies as they continued talking in feeble tone, much like sisters. “Guys! You have all come to meet me” I thought and started my explanation in attempts to gain my dad’s attention.
“He hasn’t slept since you left.” The intern came from nowhere to complain to my love and I forgot my explanation with her sudden arrival.
“Why do you strain this much son?” my love’s dad came into the scene.
“Oh no uncle. Don’t you understand? He was longing to see your daughter and can’t sleep without her.” The intern gave a pass here and continued after everyone sans me, had a smile, “I mean, he can’t sleep without seeing her.”
Now, Insomnia does loose its strength when you receive a tight slap. But with too many people talking to you and new people joining the club every passing minute, I looked around with enough ambiguity to fall back into it. This ambiguity reached its peak when my Cousins joined us. I started thinking, “How come all these people are jobless today and why is everyone here”. I really had doubts if my dad had taken the Swaraj mazda executive bus for a yearlong rent to make these frequent travels. I smiled at the crowd that gathered around me to look like I am happy seeing them and my Cousins came close to give painless blow on my stomach and hugged me.
“Shaadi mubharak ho” said my Facebook-sick cousin whose latest likes were ironically a few regional novels. It was ironic because the younger generation has almost stopped reading regional novels. English had slowly overtook the love for our languages, yes languages, restricting ourselves to our native language alone even if we knew other regional languages is making it difficult for us to understand the plights of a fellow Indian of different state than an American or English.
“Shaadi?” I was wondering and suddenly the lights went away and countdown began for the New Year. Before I realized we were bundled into a big circle of love and each of us passed the greetings with one another.
It took another hour to greet everyone and we came back home. No one was drowsy to go to bed. Not even me. Well! How can I be? As everyone went in, I grabbed my love and took her to balcony just outside the door.
“What’s all this?
“What’s What?
“Marriage in a Month?”
“Why not?”
“Why am I the last one to know?”
“Does that make a difference?”
“A lot.”
“I thought it will be the biggest surprise for the New Year.” She came near and touched my cheek.
“It was. It was bigger than any other surprises. But..” the decibels of my words were decreasing and went beyond human hearing as she came near and rested her face on my chest.
‘God! Why do I lose all my anger when she hugs me. Well I wasn’t all that angry but something inside said I am not completely happy. This is something I have to have jumped in joy and ran in rounds becoming half-insane. I was missing the thrills of a marriage let alone a hard fought love marriage. I had imagined a different scene with different set of emotions when she comes back from home. But she turned it all upside down and I should act happy when I am not sure if I am so’.
She was still lying on my chest and I raised her chin to face me. The same old mesmerizing eyes that glitter were looking into their counterpart and I wept away the tears of triumph from her chin. I didn’t know if I had made up my mind but I forgot what I was thinking. Dilemma had been a permanent feeling in my life. It just fades in and fades out, never disappears.
“You look great.” I said to her.
“I know.”
“That was a joke.”
“I know.”
“What?”
“I know you.” She said pinching my back.
“I know” I said to end the conversation that made sense only to us and made my hug tighter.
She left after a few more minutes of cuddle and I stood there analyzing myself. “Why am I not feeling good about all these things that are meant to be good?”
After a brief moment of introspection and getting lost in the blankness, I entered the house to see why it had become silent there. The hall had been changed to a dormitory and so was the bedroom and all the minimal furniture we had were dumped in one corner. The ladies were chatting with girls sleeping on their laps. The men were into discussions in the hall and my cousins were making fun of each other, viewing the Facebook photos and the comments that they received.
I found myself the odd one there and kept thinking what I should be doing now.
“Come son. Join us” her dad called me.
“No Uncle. I have a small work in lab. Forgot it when you all came. I will have to go back and do it now so that we can continue the experiments tomorrow.”
The Intern raised her head from the discussion that the ladies were having and quickly turned to see my love who pretended that she never heard what I spoke. Both dads were looking at me in disbelief. I had to break the silence that had spread among us but didn’t have anything that will be apt. I just nodded my head to the empty space in between the two dads and left the house.
The cell phone which was about to end its life temporarily, said the time is 2AM, not the right time to travel in the lonely roads. But I might ruin their happiness if I stay here, as I wasn’t sure what the hell I was feeling. If at all we had an Interpreter organ between the brain and heart.
I took out the bicycle I had left here few days back. I reached the gate of our Apartment in a few seconds and turned to our balcony which hosted our love. Alone, arms on the railings, she stood there motionless. I stopped the bicycle with my leg, well forgot the brakes. Yes, it is involuntary action to clutch the brakes in normal times but not now. I saw her and we got locked in our eyes, though the darkness meant we can’t see each other’s eyes clearly. I stood there not knowing if her cheeks are wet. She didn’t move her hands to wipe away the tears if she had them.
I didn’t know what to gesture her. Should I wave a bye, a kiss or just a nod. I looked down analyzing what to do. When I finally decided to wave a bye and looked up, she wasn’t there. I looked at the balcony for few moments in anticipation of her arrival.
I started to my lab. The lonely roads and the cold breeze would have taken away all the chaos from my mind, but her appearance on the balcony and her departure were fresh in mind and I couldn’t conclude what she going through. Life is just a permanently fumbled headphone wire for me.
Thoughts going blank and driving becoming an involuntary act happens to me often just to get jerked off when someone behind blows or yells at someone else. Yes, I continue to have a smooth ride until I realize that I had gone blank. The speeding truck that didn’t leave any space for me on the road brought me back to my nerves and I turned to see the truck and yell a few profanities, when I managed to stop the bicycle before a pit. But the truck took a jerk, with a loud horn and brake a few meters behind me but continued to speed after that. It took time for me to realize that the jerk happened right in front of our apartment where there is enough space for two trucks to pass side by side.
The rational mind with all its options narrowed down on something I prayed not to have happened. I rushed to my apartment gate and on the way lost my grip twice when my right foot slipped to hit the road. Right foot on both occasions. Heart raced harder and harder, thanks to my abstinence from any form of exercise. Slowly I realized that there is someone on the floor near the gate and my right foot slipped again. This time it really got hurt and I had to ride slowly towards the person.
I realized that reality is worse than my worst dreams, when I saw my love. The heart now raced high speed out of its shell and I tried to get down from a moving bicycle with a broken right toe and hurt it again. Falling from a bicycle never happened to me, even in my childhood learning sessions and I didn’t know to cover my face before landing on it. I fumbled to turn to see her with my broken toe, bruised chin and few other unknown joints paining.
“No one drinks like this with just a month left for marriage” she said with a stern look.
Before I could explain anything that would pacify the fuming eyes, which have always made me apologize for all my childhood mistakes almost instantly, my love came running near me and held my hand.
“He doesn’t drink anymore, Auntie.” She said as I looked at her in awe.
I turned to see my Mom like a hurt puppy and expected her eyes to dramatically change to love like the good old childhood days. She turned to look at me with the same stern look. I looked down, already doctoring my apology.
“Sorry dear. But look at him, how pathetic he looks.” Mom said to my love and she moved near her to hug her.
Now, I didn’t understand why she is apologizing to my love when I am the one who got hurt. I looked at her in disbelief as mom was arranging the lose strands of hairs near her new daughter’s ears which actually look good when left unarranged.
My dad came near with a smile, kept his hand around my shoulder and whispered, “What happened?”
Now, this didn’t seem to be a good position as he was looking at ladies with a smile. I turned to see if he really is interested in my reply or just making his presence felt and saving me from my Mom. His gaze was still fixed on the ladies as they continued talking in feeble tone, much like sisters. “Guys! You have all come to meet me” I thought and started my explanation in attempts to gain my dad’s attention.
“He hasn’t slept since you left.” The intern came from nowhere to complain to my love and I forgot my explanation with her sudden arrival.
“Why do you strain this much son?” my love’s dad came into the scene.
“Oh no uncle. Don’t you understand? He was longing to see your daughter and can’t sleep without her.” The intern gave a pass here and continued after everyone sans me, had a smile, “I mean, he can’t sleep without seeing her.”
Now, Insomnia does loose its strength when you receive a tight slap. But with too many people talking to you and new people joining the club every passing minute, I looked around with enough ambiguity to fall back into it. This ambiguity reached its peak when my Cousins joined us. I started thinking, “How come all these people are jobless today and why is everyone here”. I really had doubts if my dad had taken the Swaraj mazda executive bus for a yearlong rent to make these frequent travels. I smiled at the crowd that gathered around me to look like I am happy seeing them and my Cousins came close to give painless blow on my stomach and hugged me.
“Shaadi mubharak ho” said my Facebook-sick cousin whose latest likes were ironically a few regional novels. It was ironic because the younger generation has almost stopped reading regional novels. English had slowly overtook the love for our languages, yes languages, restricting ourselves to our native language alone even if we knew other regional languages is making it difficult for us to understand the plights of a fellow Indian of different state than an American or English.
“Shaadi?” I was wondering and suddenly the lights went away and countdown began for the New Year. Before I realized we were bundled into a big circle of love and each of us passed the greetings with one another.
It took another hour to greet everyone and we came back home. No one was drowsy to go to bed. Not even me. Well! How can I be? As everyone went in, I grabbed my love and took her to balcony just outside the door.
“What’s all this?
“What’s What?
“Marriage in a Month?”
“Why not?”
“Why am I the last one to know?”
“Does that make a difference?”
“A lot.”
“I thought it will be the biggest surprise for the New Year.” She came near and touched my cheek.
“It was. It was bigger than any other surprises. But..” the decibels of my words were decreasing and went beyond human hearing as she came near and rested her face on my chest.
‘God! Why do I lose all my anger when she hugs me. Well I wasn’t all that angry but something inside said I am not completely happy. This is something I have to have jumped in joy and ran in rounds becoming half-insane. I was missing the thrills of a marriage let alone a hard fought love marriage. I had imagined a different scene with different set of emotions when she comes back from home. But she turned it all upside down and I should act happy when I am not sure if I am so’.
She was still lying on my chest and I raised her chin to face me. The same old mesmerizing eyes that glitter were looking into their counterpart and I wept away the tears of triumph from her chin. I didn’t know if I had made up my mind but I forgot what I was thinking. Dilemma had been a permanent feeling in my life. It just fades in and fades out, never disappears.
“You look great.” I said to her.
“I know.”
“That was a joke.”
“I know.”
“What?”
“I know you.” She said pinching my back.
“I know” I said to end the conversation that made sense only to us and made my hug tighter.
She left after a few more minutes of cuddle and I stood there analyzing myself. “Why am I not feeling good about all these things that are meant to be good?”
After a brief moment of introspection and getting lost in the blankness, I entered the house to see why it had become silent there. The hall had been changed to a dormitory and so was the bedroom and all the minimal furniture we had were dumped in one corner. The ladies were chatting with girls sleeping on their laps. The men were into discussions in the hall and my cousins were making fun of each other, viewing the Facebook photos and the comments that they received.
I found myself the odd one there and kept thinking what I should be doing now.
“Come son. Join us” her dad called me.
“No Uncle. I have a small work in lab. Forgot it when you all came. I will have to go back and do it now so that we can continue the experiments tomorrow.”
The Intern raised her head from the discussion that the ladies were having and quickly turned to see my love who pretended that she never heard what I spoke. Both dads were looking at me in disbelief. I had to break the silence that had spread among us but didn’t have anything that will be apt. I just nodded my head to the empty space in between the two dads and left the house.
The cell phone which was about to end its life temporarily, said the time is 2AM, not the right time to travel in the lonely roads. But I might ruin their happiness if I stay here, as I wasn’t sure what the hell I was feeling. If at all we had an Interpreter organ between the brain and heart.
I took out the bicycle I had left here few days back. I reached the gate of our Apartment in a few seconds and turned to our balcony which hosted our love. Alone, arms on the railings, she stood there motionless. I stopped the bicycle with my leg, well forgot the brakes. Yes, it is involuntary action to clutch the brakes in normal times but not now. I saw her and we got locked in our eyes, though the darkness meant we can’t see each other’s eyes clearly. I stood there not knowing if her cheeks are wet. She didn’t move her hands to wipe away the tears if she had them.
I didn’t know what to gesture her. Should I wave a bye, a kiss or just a nod. I looked down analyzing what to do. When I finally decided to wave a bye and looked up, she wasn’t there. I looked at the balcony for few moments in anticipation of her arrival.
I started to my lab. The lonely roads and the cold breeze would have taken away all the chaos from my mind, but her appearance on the balcony and her departure were fresh in mind and I couldn’t conclude what she going through. Life is just a permanently fumbled headphone wire for me.
Thoughts going blank and driving becoming an involuntary act happens to me often just to get jerked off when someone behind blows or yells at someone else. Yes, I continue to have a smooth ride until I realize that I had gone blank. The speeding truck that didn’t leave any space for me on the road brought me back to my nerves and I turned to see the truck and yell a few profanities, when I managed to stop the bicycle before a pit. But the truck took a jerk, with a loud horn and brake a few meters behind me but continued to speed after that. It took time for me to realize that the jerk happened right in front of our apartment where there is enough space for two trucks to pass side by side.
The rational mind with all its options narrowed down on something I prayed not to have happened. I rushed to my apartment gate and on the way lost my grip twice when my right foot slipped to hit the road. Right foot on both occasions. Heart raced harder and harder, thanks to my abstinence from any form of exercise. Slowly I realized that there is someone on the floor near the gate and my right foot slipped again. This time it really got hurt and I had to ride slowly towards the person.
I realized that reality is worse than my worst dreams, when I saw my love. The heart now raced high speed out of its shell and I tried to get down from a moving bicycle with a broken right toe and hurt it again. Falling from a bicycle never happened to me, even in my childhood learning sessions and I didn’t know to cover my face before landing on it. I fumbled to turn to see her with my broken toe, bruised chin and few other unknown joints paining.
