Success in love is… Part 28

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27

Yes, a numerous parts hurt due to the fall but my heart ached more, masking all the other pains and spreading panic all over the system. Nothing else mattered in the world. Nothing else. The dilemma, the mortal’s pursuit to attain importance, everything seemed immaterial compared to her. I turned to see her, who by now had grabbed me in panic. I saw her getting worried over my fall.

“What happened? Are you all right?”

I didn’t answer. I was seeing a person cry for me and show all the world’s love. The list of uncertainties never had an end and never will, but this certainty is going to mask all that for eternity. She rubbed her red eyes making it redder, and starting searching for my wounds. I didn’t speak, I didn’t move, I just let her to decide what I should do. She pulled me up and held me by my shoulder, walked me to the bench next to the gate. She ran to the watchman’s cabin, got the first aid box and came back to nurse the wounded chin which by now had dried after staining her white dress.

She had by now cleared all the dirt from the wound and started applying the antiseptic. I reacted with a sign of pain and she reacted with a sign of concern. She looked at me to convince it’s not going pain and I nodded in genuine belief. However old we are, we have a child inside us yearning for love and however young we are we have a mother inside us yearning to care.

She sat down to clean the right toe. I felt something weird that pushed me to bend down and stop her.
“I will do it”
“Why?”
“It’s ok. I will do it.”
“Don’t be a chauvinist. Sit back and let me finish this.”
“Chauvinist?” I thought. She soon gave a stare, forcing me to sit back and turn away.
“What’s the bloody difference between nursing your chin and your foot?” She was speaking in a low voice that had enough decibels for me hear. I didn’t dare to ask her anymore. May be She was exaggerating my act as Chauvinism or teaching me how to curb the subtle Chauvinisms left with me. Well, I have a lifetime to learn and a lovely relationship to learn from.  

She stood up after finishing the first aid and I remembered why all these have happened.
“What was that sound?”
“What sound?”
“That truck, it…”
“Ya, the truck. The driver saw me near the gate, applied the brakes, craned his neck out of truck with a frightened stare and resumed his drive in a hurry, giving raise to all the dust.” She said while wiping her eyes with her handkerchief that showed my names first Syllable.

I smiled re-creating the scene, held her hand with a wide smile and pulled her to sit next to me.
Kept my arm over her shoulder and said, “Angels and demons have a lot in common and differ only on their purpose.”
“Why are you saying this?”
I smiled and she gave a minor blow saying “Yes, I am a devil and am going to haunt you all your life.”
I hugged her saying, “Lucky me. I love my devil. The poor driver should have had a minor heart attack seeing you in your white dress and the flowing hair.”

She pulled my face and our heads collided, stayed together for our lips to follow suit. Well almost.

“Guys! What the hell are you doing here?”

Someone was calling us and we turned losing our collisions. The watchman looked at us and we gave a lame smile. I thought “How the hell do you guys to do this? Bugger! a huge truck’s voracious brakes, a fumble and fall on your footsteps, a hurried search in your closet nothing woke you up except for this tender moment. Fuck off you brute.” Oh ya, I can only think all this. I am a good fellow, ain’t I?.

“Are you alright?” he asked with a concern.

When I was wondering how he was making his concern as genuine as it could be, she said “He is fine. Don’t worry” and turned back to kiss me.

Yes, she kissed me making me kiss her as well. I stumbled for a minute and closed my eyes that had the watchman watching us. Moved my hands in air to hold her face, lost the watchman’s image, and the grip of existence. Finally when my hands reached her face and started to enjoy the bliss of being human, she turned away from me. I was holding my hand in air and watching her turn away lost in thoughts for how worthless was the turmoil I had in my heart today.

She turned to see me with a tear rolling down the left cheek and we moved closer to wipe away the tear on each other’s cheek.
I held her face, “I am very lucky.”
“I know.”
“That’s unfair. Wont you say the same?”
“Do I have to?”
“Not if you don’t feel so.”
“Or if I am sure you know that already.”
“Sometimes we have to say things that aren’t necessarily new”
“Oh! I am not very lucky. You don’t know to reciprocate well”
“What?” I looked at her in disbelief.
“And not smart enough as well.” Spreading her smile to me.

As I moved near her, she moved away from me and there was a roar of applause from the Balcony that shared our moments some time back. The Balcony looked like the Indian rooftops next to cricket stadiums in a World Cup Final. Our family stood there smiling and passing comments as we walked with our heads down to face them.

Very soon we stood on the dais and the same crowd was standing down and passing comments. Yes! A month is a very small time period when you have a Mother to run behind and feed you in the morning, a love to kiss you when your Mom has gone to get ghee for your Sambar, a father who smiles without taking his eye off the newspaper, an uncle who shows his thumbs up for his daughter’s triumph, an aunt who hits your uncle with the rolled magazine commanding him to stop the gesture, a sister who has grabbed your ear and a grandma who sends your Mom back to kitchen and signals your love to continue loving me.

I stood there, looking at the people gathered. The hall was filled with people from every part of India and Beyond. People who would have otherwise lived as separate families, castes, religions, languages. A marriage is not just an union of two hearts, it’s a union of two families. And ours, an union of two different sets of people separated by centuries of discrimination based on imaginary lines.

My love pinched my hand saying, “Why are you smiling?”
“I am very proud today.”
“Our marriage is tomorrow. This is just the reception. So save some pride for tomorrow.”
“It’s not about the marriage or the reception.”
“So what’s it about?” She turned to see with wide eyes.
“Look at those kids.”
“Ya! my Cousin’s girl and your Nephew. Lovely kids. But what’s with them?”
“Look at their parents conversing with each other not worried about their kids.”
“Why should they be worried?”

Just then the girl fell down from a chair and my lab-mate rushed to kid and rubbed her knee, while the boy was wiping her eyes and handling over the toy he had ran with.
My love came close and whispered “Wipe your eyes man. What happened to you?”

“Success in our love is not the reception we are having today or the marriage we will have tomorrow. It is what we are seeing now. Thanks for everything dear. Those kids will grow into a single family and defy the rules that the Castes have put on them for centuries. Their love will be unbreakable once we have our casteless kids who will become their cousins. Life will be good without barriers for them. They won’t have a tough battle like you had when they grow and pursue their life and dreams. All thanks to you.”

“Not just castes. They will not have the barriers of religion or language. We will not let them have them.”
“They have already broken those.” I said and pointed her to the kids who now were talking with lab-mate’s daughter in the hands of the Krishnagiri couple’s Kashmiri daughter in law.

“We just have to encourage them and let them have the same heart without corrupting them with our stupid beliefs of superiority over caste, religion, language, country or lifestyle. They don’t see the differences while befriending each other and once they become friends the differences won’t have significance.”

She nodded as I spoke and moved a step away to ask, “By the way. Were you speaking about our kids already?”
“Who? Me? When?”
She gave stare and I smiled, “We are not yet married dear.” I said, “We shall start from tomorrow.”
“Start what?” her stare was starting to break
“The fight.” I said in the usual matter-of-factly way I own, “Oh! Wait a minute, what are you thinking?” I smiled with all the front teeth visible.
“Oh no! What am I going to do with a Stupid like you?” She turned away with her hand on her forehand. ‘Man, You can love her all your life just for these acts.’ My conscious kicked my  brain.
“Just watch” I said and kissed her, a long kiss which got back as much love as it gave, filled with claps and whistles all over the place and a blast resulting in flying color papers.

The celebration called Life had just started for me, my love and all those who love us.

Success in love is… Part 27

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26

“Amma!” I exclaimed in shock keeping my hand on the cheek which showed no sense of pain. Well, how can a mother’s slap be painful?
“No one drinks like this with just a month left for marriage” she said with a stern look.
Before I could explain anything that would pacify the fuming eyes, which have always made me apologize for all my childhood mistakes almost instantly, my love came running near me and held my hand.
“He doesn’t drink anymore, Auntie.” She said as I looked at her in awe.

I turned to see my Mom like a hurt puppy and expected her eyes to dramatically change to love like the good old childhood days. She turned to look at me with the same stern look. I looked down, already doctoring my apology.
“Sorry dear. But look at him, how pathetic he looks.” Mom said to my love and she moved near her to hug her.
Now, I didn’t understand why she is apologizing to my love when I am the one who got hurt. I looked at her in disbelief as mom was arranging the lose strands of hairs near her new daughter’s ears which actually look good when left unarranged.

My dad came near with a smile, kept his hand around my shoulder and whispered, “What happened?”
Now, this didn’t seem to be a good position as he was looking at ladies with a smile. I turned to see if he really is interested in my reply or just making his presence felt and saving me from my Mom. His gaze was still fixed on the ladies as they continued talking in feeble tone, much like sisters. “Guys! You have all come to meet me” I thought and started my explanation in attempts to gain my dad’s attention.

“He hasn’t slept since you left.” The intern came from nowhere to complain to my love and I forgot my explanation with her sudden arrival.
“Why do you strain this much son?” my love’s dad came into the scene.
“Oh no uncle. Don’t you understand? He was longing to see your daughter and can’t sleep without her.” The intern gave a pass here and continued after everyone sans me, had a smile, “I mean, he can’t sleep without seeing her.”

Now, Insomnia does loose its strength when you receive a tight slap. But with too many people talking to you and new people joining the club every passing minute, I looked around with enough ambiguity to fall back into it. This ambiguity reached its peak when my Cousins joined us. I started thinking, “How come all these people are jobless today and why is everyone here”. I really had doubts if my dad had taken the Swaraj mazda executive bus for a yearlong rent to make these frequent travels. I smiled at the crowd that gathered around me to look like I am happy seeing them and my Cousins came close to give painless blow on my stomach and hugged me.

“Shaadi mubharak ho” said my Facebook-sick cousin whose latest likes were ironically a few regional novels. It was ironic because the younger generation has almost stopped reading regional novels. English had slowly overtook the love for our languages, yes languages, restricting ourselves to our native language alone even if we knew other regional languages is making it difficult for us to understand the plights of a fellow Indian of different state than an American or English.

“Shaadi?” I was wondering and suddenly the lights went away and countdown began for the New Year. Before I realized we were bundled into a big circle of love and each of us passed the greetings with one another.

It took another hour to greet everyone and we came back home. No one was drowsy to go to bed. Not even me. Well! How can I be? As everyone went in, I grabbed my love and took her to balcony just outside the door.
“What’s all this?
“What’s What?
“Marriage in a Month?”
“Why not?”
“Why am I the last one to know?”
“Does that make a difference?”
“A lot.”
“I thought it will be the biggest surprise for the New Year.” She came near and touched my cheek.
“It was. It was bigger than any other surprises. But..” the decibels of my words were decreasing and went beyond human hearing as she came near and rested her face on my chest.

‘God! Why do I lose all my anger when she hugs me. Well I wasn’t all that angry but something inside said I am not completely happy. This is something I have to have jumped in joy and ran in rounds becoming half-insane. I was missing the thrills of a marriage let alone a hard fought love marriage. I had imagined a different scene with different set of emotions when she comes back from home. But she turned it all upside down and I should act happy when I am not sure if I am so’.

She was still lying on my chest and I raised her chin to face me. The same old mesmerizing eyes that glitter were looking into their counterpart and I wept away the tears of triumph from her chin. I didn’t know if I had made up my mind but I forgot what I was thinking. Dilemma had been a permanent feeling in my life. It just fades in and fades out, never disappears.

“You look great.” I said to her.
“I know.”
“That was a joke.”
“I know.”
“What?”
“I know you.” She said pinching my back.
“I know” I said to end the conversation that made sense only to us and made my hug tighter.

She left after a few more minutes of cuddle and I stood there analyzing myself. “Why am I not feeling good about all these things that are meant to be good?”

After a brief moment of introspection and getting lost in the blankness, I entered the house to see why it had become silent there. The hall had been changed to a dormitory and so was the bedroom and all the minimal furniture we had were dumped in one corner. The ladies were chatting with girls sleeping on their laps. The men were into discussions in the hall and my cousins were making fun of each other, viewing the Facebook photos and the comments that they received.

I found myself the odd one there and kept thinking what I should be doing now.
“Come son. Join us” her dad called me.
“No Uncle. I have a small work in lab. Forgot it when you all came. I will have to go back and do it now so that we can continue the experiments tomorrow.”

The Intern raised her head from the discussion that the ladies were having and quickly turned to see my love who pretended that she never heard what I spoke. Both dads were looking at me in disbelief. I had to break the silence that had spread among us but didn’t have anything that will be apt. I just nodded my head to the empty space in between the two dads and left the house.

The cell phone which was about to end its life temporarily, said the time is 2AM, not the right time to travel in the lonely roads. But I might ruin their happiness if I stay here, as I wasn’t sure what the hell I was feeling. If at all we had an Interpreter organ between the brain and heart.

I took out the bicycle I had left here few days back. I reached the gate of our Apartment in a few seconds and turned to our balcony which hosted our love. Alone, arms on the railings, she stood there motionless. I stopped the bicycle with my leg, well forgot the brakes. Yes, it is involuntary action to clutch the brakes in normal times but not now. I saw her and we got locked in our eyes, though the darkness meant we can’t see each other’s eyes clearly. I stood there not knowing if her cheeks are wet. She didn’t move her hands to wipe away the tears if she had them.

I didn’t know what to gesture her. Should I wave a bye, a kiss or just a nod. I looked down analyzing what to do. When I finally decided to wave a bye and looked up, she wasn’t there. I looked at the balcony for few moments in anticipation of her arrival.

I started to my lab. The lonely roads and the cold breeze would have taken away all the chaos from my mind, but her appearance on the balcony and her departure were fresh in mind and I couldn’t conclude what she going through. Life is just a permanently fumbled headphone wire for me.

Thoughts going blank and driving becoming an involuntary act happens to me often just to get jerked off when someone behind blows or yells at someone else. Yes, I continue to have a smooth ride until I realize that I had gone blank. The speeding truck that didn’t leave any space for me on the road brought me back to my nerves and I turned to see the truck and yell a few profanities, when I managed to stop the bicycle before a pit. But the truck took a jerk, with a loud horn and brake a few meters behind me but continued to speed after that. It took time for me to realize that the jerk happened right in front of our apartment where there is enough space for two trucks to pass side by side.

The rational mind with all its options narrowed down on something I prayed not to have happened. I rushed to my apartment gate and on the way lost my grip twice when my right foot slipped to hit the road. Right foot on both occasions. Heart raced harder and harder, thanks to my abstinence from any form of exercise. Slowly I realized that there is someone on the floor near the gate and my right foot slipped again. This time it really got hurt and I had to ride slowly towards the person.

I realized that reality is worse than my worst dreams, when I saw my love. The heart now raced high speed out of its shell and I tried to get down from a moving bicycle with a broken right toe and hurt it again. Falling from a bicycle never happened to me, even in my childhood learning sessions and I didn’t know to cover my face before landing on it. I fumbled to turn to see her with my broken toe, bruised chin and few other unknown joints paining.

Success in love is… Part 26

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5  Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11,Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25

I went back to the television and sat there watching whatever that was running in it. Well, I was just seeing in that direction with thoughts fixed somewhere else. I went to the bed room and lied next to her. After I wrapped myself in the three bed sheets, I turned to see her sleeping. She was beautiful as always and I was there admiring her all over again. A few minutes passed in bliss and she moved in sleep and hugged me. I laid back with her face in my shoulder and hand around me. I was going back to times we had spent together and ordeal she faced to reach here. I fell asleep with her breath blowing over my heart and making it lighter than it had already become.

I woke up with the sun, as soon it rose to shine through my window pane. Sunrise seemed to be a remote thing happening underground all these days. I got up to see a clean half of the bed next to mine. Of course she should have woken up early. I found my way to the kitchen to stop my gastric juices from eating my stomach. I came back to the hall and switched on the TV with a hand full of eatables. As a few songs got over along with the eatables, I realized she is not home. ‘Should have left to work.’ I thought and continued the songs and snacks.

The lab seemed to be filled with activity when I entered it. Before I could complete the Brainstorming, the intern stepped out of the Animal cell culture cabin and smiled, “Is this the time you come to lab?” 
She had transformed my lab into a place that looks as it should.
“I am actually early today. The lab has had a few changes since you left.” I said.
“Ya. I can see that. But, not anymore. Now sit down here and check out the photos from yesterday’s treat.”
So we started going through the photos that we took last night in her mobile. She stopped with the a photo in which I was looking at my love and zoomed it.
“What’s this?
“What?”
“You guys. Both of you have wet eye lids.”
“What?” I looked at it again and I could see that. That was the time when we came back from the argument in the Café terrace.
“Too much light I guess. I live underground these days.” I smiled.
“Hmmm” she turned to see me, smiled and nodded. “Nocturnal to the core. But since I am back you can take proper sleep.” She pretended as if she had bought my lie and I pretended as if I trusted her buying that. Sometimes we know more than we need to.
“Hope so.” I said putting an end to the pretences.

I made myself busy with the research and she kept herself engaged in the various outcomes in our research that she had missed. After a couple of hours she dragged me to the cafeteria and as we sat for lunch, asked “So how was last night?” and smiled.
I had a smile spreading within the inner portions of the tight lipped mouth. “We slept.”
“Ya. Ya. What else will people do at night?” She said in a tone that demanded my smile to break its barriers.
I threw a tissue paper on her and said, “Shall we go back to the lab?”
She held my hand and said, “Ok ok no more questions. Just say your plans for New Year.”
“Haven’t planned for anything. The campus will have a party right.”
“Another party with these nerds?”
“Ya. With us nerds.”

“Just don’t have any plans. You are anyway bad in that. We will plan. By the way where is the girl you slept with last night?”
She smiled and made signs for apology as I gave a look which meant anger, shock or both.
“She left before I woke up. Should be busy with work.”
“God! You are pathetic than a one night stand.” She said, stood up and continued, “I will call her. Now go back and do some work.” She smiled and ran away after that, making me revisit to my heart assessing if I am careless about the relationship or careful about her privacy.

I went back to the lab and was making sure of the temperatures in the Incubators, when she came in with a confused look.
“What happened last night?”
Again the same question I thought and turned to see a confused look.
“What?”
“She is on the way to Erode. Doesn’t tell me the reason why she is going.”
“No. Her dad was ill. But she spoke with him and he is alright now. But why did she go?” I was revising all that happened yesterday.
“She asked me not to tell you. May be I shouldn’t have. Sorry.”
“Hey don’t worry. May be she was in a hurry. I will talk to her.” I said and she turned to go back.
“Wait! She asked you not to tell me?”
“Yes”
“Fine. I will wait for her to call me.”
“Hope everything is fine.”
“Yes. It will be.”

I called her dad to make sure everything is fine. He spoke as if he doesn’t know about her travel and I didn’t reveal it either. The rest of the day went with my focus on my phone which never brought any message from my love. I was worried. I figured out that I can’t simply sit here and wait for her call and decided to go to Erode. I got my friend’s car and started to Erode after explaining the various activities going on in the lab to the Intern.

I didn’t know how fast I drove but I reached the old couple’s tea shop in the outskirts of Krishnagiri. They haven’t seen me for long and sat with me for a discussion. From their eager eyes I couldn’t stop myself from saying what happened. The said all that happened in short and they smiled. “You two will make a great couple.” She said and went in to bring tea for us.
“So you are going to see her.” The old man asked me.
“Yes.”
“I won’t do it if I were you.” He said, looked at me for a moment and continued, “Women need their time alone too. Just like us. From what you told us, she is very strong and has gone to see her Dad. Let her come back to you and explain. She will have her story. You can play angry and there can be romance. Don’t spoil all that by going there. Moreover don’t spoil her time at her home with her parents.”
“Hey don’t spoil the child. He can’t stay away from her.” The old woman came out with tea.
“No. He is right. She should have her personal life too. Her decisions have always been correct. She would have called me if she needs me.” I said.
They had a small argument within themselves if I should go to Erode or not. I smiled as I watched them argue and they stopped midway seeing my smile.

I reached the campus by 3AM. I didn’t get any sleep with my mind centered on her travel and more towards the denial of information. I was devising all possible reasons for her denial but nothing seem to fit in. But heart that I have, always said she is right. With a battle between mind and heart, there is no clear victory. That day went like hell with me reaching lab before anyone. Well, I get up late only when I sleep. Now that I didn’t sleep, I was early. I made sure no one finds out my thought and involved myself in research as much as possible. Avoiding coffee and lunch breaks helped me escape the Intern’s gazes. Whenever she tried to talk I diverted the topic and involved the discussion in our experiments.

But it was clear that she knew about my state of mind. She did most of the work while I did some easy stuff that I had put off for long. She left the lab at 10pm after I promised her that I will be normal tomorrow and everything is fine. I reached my room by 2AM, started browsing through the long list of photos we had taken. Some made me smile; some made me laugh; some loaded moisture under the tired eyes. Before I realized the early morning rays flowed in through the window edge much like a single golden strand from heaven.

I didn’t want to be early today and scare the Intern. So I tried to sleep, in vain, against my lucid dreams, which again were centered on her reasons for sudden negligence. I had become a self-induced Insomniac. When I reached lab by 11, The New Year’s Eve had all its color in the Campus as everyone was busy in decorations and arrangements. The lab looked different as well.
“I have planned everything and all our work will be over by 8PM.” The intern was saying as she made all arrangements for today’s experiments.
“Great”. I said and went to check my children in the Incubator. Well if we all are God’s children, the bacteria that I cultured should be mine. I smiled at the thought as the rational mind that I have, kicked itself.

The intern kept herself busy with the schedule that she had made and I focused in the research mechanically. Heart, obviously was wandering few hundred miles away in search of answers. The same easy experiments demanded greater concentrations, thanks to the sleepless night. Soon the clock struck Eight and the intern was pulling me to come out of our lab. We went to the Celebrations lawn which was abuzz with activity. We joined the fellow lab mates in final decorations needed for the party. The party started by 10pm with all Professors joining us and soon the DJ, Dance and Drinks started to fill the party. I moved from one group to another and involved myself in the chatter and avoided the intern whom I feared, would drag me to the Dance floor any moment.

The sparking lights, the Colors and the loud music were making my Insomnia show its rough side. I sat in a table with an unpredictable pain in forehead and the Extraocular muscles. I closed my eyes and the moisture inside spread out making my vision unclear.

The table had a lot of glasses: empty, half filled or full based on the time the holder went to dance. I searched for water and drank it from the packed drinking water can. I turned to the crowd where one person got my attention. She was moving towards me and I shook my head and sprinkled some water on my face to see clearly. I smiled at her as soon as I realized that she resembles my love and stood up.

Just then I received a tight slap from a very familiar person standing next to me making me stumble and sit back on the chair. The person who resembled my love took hurried steps towards me.