Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5 Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18
She hugged me tighter and panic spread everywhere. I looked at her parents who stood helpless. I felt she would feel better if she lies down and lifted her and made her lie down on altar at one end of the hall. The Intern fetched a small pillow from somewhere and placed her head on it. My mom had taken seat next to her and started waving the free end of her saree in attempts to make her get more air. I stood near the altar and had my left hand wiping the sweat on her forehead and my right hand in her grasp.
“For heaven sake somebody tell me what’s happening here?” I asked no one in particular. She tried to lift her head but couldn’t do it. Her eyelids were half closed and were shaking from her failed attempts to open them in vain. Her grip became tighter and I placed my forehead on our joined hands to hide my tears.
“Please say something. What is wrong with her?” my Dad was speaking to her Dad who stood speechless.
Being born in a country obsessed with too many isms like casteism, regionalism, religionalism, etc,.. and grown aware of all these taking their worst forms every now and then, I couldn’t abstain from the thought of Honor killings. Every year we see at least a dozen reported cases of girls being killed for defying their parents will and loving someone of their wish. When are we going to think in terms of freedom, unity, liberty and fraternity inside our home?
There were too many thoughts but nothing made sense. I raised my head to see the girl who had become my life, gasping for breath and an instant rage of anger spread through me. But who can I show my anger to? Will it make her raise back and become my life once again? How can anyone hurt you? I said or thought but these words echoed within me.
My aunt came near and spread her right hand on my back and touched her forehead with her left. She was breathing normally now but had closed her eyes completely. I turned to see my aunt and the vision grew duller and duller with tears filling in and blocking my sight. I didn’t want to wipe then for I couldn’t dare to remove my either hands from her.
But that didn’t last long. We heard a big sound and turned to see someone rushing in. He came in hurried along with someone who had a stethoscope in his hand. He came near us and I realized that he was wearing silk shirt and dhoti, exactly the way a south Indian bridegroom would dress in his marriage. I took a step back and the doctor held the hand, I was holding till sometime back and the groom was wiping away the sweat from her forehead much like how I did.
I turned to see the couple who could relieve something if not everything about all that is happening here. I walked to her Dad and held his hand.
“I don’t believe in a supreme God who has all mights. For me, everyone living here has every might inside himself to become the almighty. But we restrict ourselves with numerous limitations and constraints and never achieve divinity while alive. Your girl is not an angel but she had the spark in her to change my life which was just happening from me to a celebration. All these days from when you took her away I have lived with a dream to have her back. In fact I have lived with her every single moment from that day. You would never imagine what we speak each day then. She used to tell about the instances from her past when you had been her hero, loving her, protecting her, living for her. Those days I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like you and for how many dads here show their love in a form that their kids understand. Often we kids realize the Dad’s love only when we had grown too much and could not reciprocate it”.
He kept his hand on my shoulder. “Please tell me what happened to her. Is she going to come back as the girl you and I loved? Just say she is fine. I won’t ask anything more. Seriously I will walk back to my life and never bother you again”. I look away and continued, “For me her happiness is more important than mine if there is a difference in that”.
“Now I understand why my girl loved you. How can you be this nice to someone who has taken away your life?” he spoke and turned back to see his wife who came near him.
“She is everything for me. I have always imagined of a fabulous wedding for her. The hall filled with every person I knew, her smiles, her tears, the final hugs she will give me, I have rehearsed these things in heart from the day she was born. She has been a girl who would come back from school or college and recites all that happened there to me. She had never kept any secrets. But you changed everything. You made me realize that she has her own life, a life where my wishes are not mandatory rules. I couldn’t accept her change for you. Your caste also added to the fury. I thought finally everything is happening as my dreams when she came to the marriage altar in her bridal saree. But I didn’t expect her to do what she did”.
Her mother came near and continued from where he stopped. “She didn’t speak anything when she got ready but had a very firm face, as if she is up to something. She sat next to the groom and started the procedures. But after a few minutes she turned to him and said something that made the priest to stop his chants and we all listened what they spoke.
He stood up and came to me.” Her dad continued, “The whole family was scolding him to do that. Anger flow through me. I shouted, “Never even imagine that you can live with him. What if this guy isn’t marrying you? I will find someone much better than him”.
“I know Dad. But whatever I said is true. I am living with him now and will live like this forever.” She said and walked to her room, which she shut as soon as she got in. Even then she had a troubled walk but I didn’t notice it.
We were busy in making everyone understand as they went out cursing me for bringing down the caste pride. I stood there with my head hung down in and hands folded in self pity. I had lost everything I had, Family pride, and my girl’s final belief. We rarely have times when we experience defeat in all things that happen.
I wanted to apologize to her for breaking my promise. I knew she won’t forgive but I had to gain back some pride I had in myself for I couldn’t forgive myself. She had changed her dress and was lying on the bed facing the wall. I sat next to her, “Sorry dear. I was forced to accept this marriage but consider this as well; he hadn’t come for this marriage. Please understand at least now that he has moved on. I will wait for the day when you realize this and ask me to go ahead with marriage proceedings. I won’t disturb you till that”.
She turned and smiled at me and turned to see her watch. “You have changed the timing Dad. He will certainly come at the scheduled hour and even if he doesn’t come I don’t think I can forget him. If you marry me to someone else, I will have to live a lie. I don’t want that.” She said this in broken words and the hand she raised to touch my face, fell back to her bed.
She was speaking something but I couldn’t hear it. Her eyes were motionless. I asked my wife to call the groom as he had gone to see his friend who works in a hospital nearby. I was sure that she won’t have taken any stupid decision but had a small doubt and searched the room to see if there are any signs of poisons. I didn’t find any. She spoke again in breaking voice, “Don’t worry. I haven’t taken anything. I want to live with him for I am not sure if I can dream after death.”
I broke into tears hearing that and came out. That’s when I saw you coming in and was astonished.” He wiped his tears away.
My cousins came near and asked us to hurry to the hospital.
She hugged me tighter and panic spread everywhere. I looked at her parents who stood helpless. I felt she would feel better if she lies down and lifted her and made her lie down on altar at one end of the hall. The Intern fetched a small pillow from somewhere and placed her head on it. My mom had taken seat next to her and started waving the free end of her saree in attempts to make her get more air. I stood near the altar and had my left hand wiping the sweat on her forehead and my right hand in her grasp.
“For heaven sake somebody tell me what’s happening here?” I asked no one in particular. She tried to lift her head but couldn’t do it. Her eyelids were half closed and were shaking from her failed attempts to open them in vain. Her grip became tighter and I placed my forehead on our joined hands to hide my tears.
“Please say something. What is wrong with her?” my Dad was speaking to her Dad who stood speechless.
Being born in a country obsessed with too many isms like casteism, regionalism, religionalism, etc,.. and grown aware of all these taking their worst forms every now and then, I couldn’t abstain from the thought of Honor killings. Every year we see at least a dozen reported cases of girls being killed for defying their parents will and loving someone of their wish. When are we going to think in terms of freedom, unity, liberty and fraternity inside our home?
There were too many thoughts but nothing made sense. I raised my head to see the girl who had become my life, gasping for breath and an instant rage of anger spread through me. But who can I show my anger to? Will it make her raise back and become my life once again? How can anyone hurt you? I said or thought but these words echoed within me.
My aunt came near and spread her right hand on my back and touched her forehead with her left. She was breathing normally now but had closed her eyes completely. I turned to see my aunt and the vision grew duller and duller with tears filling in and blocking my sight. I didn’t want to wipe then for I couldn’t dare to remove my either hands from her.
But that didn’t last long. We heard a big sound and turned to see someone rushing in. He came in hurried along with someone who had a stethoscope in his hand. He came near us and I realized that he was wearing silk shirt and dhoti, exactly the way a south Indian bridegroom would dress in his marriage. I took a step back and the doctor held the hand, I was holding till sometime back and the groom was wiping away the sweat from her forehead much like how I did.
I wiped the stagnated tears and the one flowing on my cheeks and looked at the duo in shock.
“She is very weak. It would be better if we take her to the hospital”. The Doctor said nodding his head.
“But what is wrong?” the groom asked.
“Let’s talk in the hospital. We can take her in the car we came in.”
The groom lifted her, turned to her parents, said "Don't worry. She will be alright." and walked briskly towards the door. We stood there in shock. I was watching helplessly as he walked with her in his hands. My cousin step out of the gang and asked him the most important question at that moment. “Which Hospital?” and the groom said something to him and rushed out.I turned to see the couple who could relieve something if not everything about all that is happening here. I walked to her Dad and held his hand.
“I don’t believe in a supreme God who has all mights. For me, everyone living here has every might inside himself to become the almighty. But we restrict ourselves with numerous limitations and constraints and never achieve divinity while alive. Your girl is not an angel but she had the spark in her to change my life which was just happening from me to a celebration. All these days from when you took her away I have lived with a dream to have her back. In fact I have lived with her every single moment from that day. You would never imagine what we speak each day then. She used to tell about the instances from her past when you had been her hero, loving her, protecting her, living for her. Those days I wonder what it would be like to have a dad like you and for how many dads here show their love in a form that their kids understand. Often we kids realize the Dad’s love only when we had grown too much and could not reciprocate it”.
He kept his hand on my shoulder. “Please tell me what happened to her. Is she going to come back as the girl you and I loved? Just say she is fine. I won’t ask anything more. Seriously I will walk back to my life and never bother you again”. I look away and continued, “For me her happiness is more important than mine if there is a difference in that”.
“Now I understand why my girl loved you. How can you be this nice to someone who has taken away your life?” he spoke and turned back to see his wife who came near him.
“She is everything for me. I have always imagined of a fabulous wedding for her. The hall filled with every person I knew, her smiles, her tears, the final hugs she will give me, I have rehearsed these things in heart from the day she was born. She has been a girl who would come back from school or college and recites all that happened there to me. She had never kept any secrets. But you changed everything. You made me realize that she has her own life, a life where my wishes are not mandatory rules. I couldn’t accept her change for you. Your caste also added to the fury. I thought finally everything is happening as my dreams when she came to the marriage altar in her bridal saree. But I didn’t expect her to do what she did”.
Her mother came near and continued from where he stopped. “She didn’t speak anything when she got ready but had a very firm face, as if she is up to something. She sat next to the groom and started the procedures. But after a few minutes she turned to him and said something that made the priest to stop his chants and we all listened what they spoke.
“Do you know that I love someone else?”
“Yes. Uncle said about the guy. I know you from childhood and these infatuations don’t matter”.
“But I will continue loving him all my life”.
“What do you mean?”
“I am sitting here just because my love is beyond constraints. When you tie the knots, it will just mean I will live in different place amidst different people. Your touch, your kiss, won't be reciprocated in the way you would expect because a hand shake and a kiss doesn't hold any difference if there is no love in that. I have been living with him all these days in my dreams and now, I will just live in the same fashion for the rest of my life. I know I won't be seeing him but we don’t see things from our eyes alone, our heart sees things too and within my heart I see him every second. I don’t know if Daddy told all this to you. I want you to know before this marriage because I don’t want to deceive you”.
“This is not any prank right”.
“Of course not. If you think this is one, you will have to live with this prank all life. Think about it. We have no choices but to live in our dreams as long as our parents understand but you have a choice”.
“I will talk to your Dad. Why did he want to end this love? Very few here, have the opportunity to live with whom they loved. I don’t want to take that opportunity away from you. I too had lived with your photo for a week and I could imagine what is going through your heart”.
“I know Dad. But whatever I said is true. I am living with him now and will live like this forever.” She said and walked to her room, which she shut as soon as she got in. Even then she had a troubled walk but I didn’t notice it.
We were busy in making everyone understand as they went out cursing me for bringing down the caste pride. I stood there with my head hung down in and hands folded in self pity. I had lost everything I had, Family pride, and my girl’s final belief. We rarely have times when we experience defeat in all things that happen.
I wanted to apologize to her for breaking my promise. I knew she won’t forgive but I had to gain back some pride I had in myself for I couldn’t forgive myself. She had changed her dress and was lying on the bed facing the wall. I sat next to her, “Sorry dear. I was forced to accept this marriage but consider this as well; he hadn’t come for this marriage. Please understand at least now that he has moved on. I will wait for the day when you realize this and ask me to go ahead with marriage proceedings. I won’t disturb you till that”.
She turned and smiled at me and turned to see her watch. “You have changed the timing Dad. He will certainly come at the scheduled hour and even if he doesn’t come I don’t think I can forget him. If you marry me to someone else, I will have to live a lie. I don’t want that.” She said this in broken words and the hand she raised to touch my face, fell back to her bed.
She was speaking something but I couldn’t hear it. Her eyes were motionless. I asked my wife to call the groom as he had gone to see his friend who works in a hospital nearby. I was sure that she won’t have taken any stupid decision but had a small doubt and searched the room to see if there are any signs of poisons. I didn’t find any. She spoke again in breaking voice, “Don’t worry. I haven’t taken anything. I want to live with him for I am not sure if I can dream after death.”
I broke into tears hearing that and came out. That’s when I saw you coming in and was astonished.” He wiped his tears away.
My cousins came near and asked us to hurry to the hospital.
